Today I finally had a procedure done that I’d been putting off for years. Just the thought of it would cause my heart to race. I knew it was necessary. I knew it was a good thing to do – preventative care. Yes, I understood all of that. It was just that my heart was too tender, and I wasn’t ready to revisit yesteryear. So, I waited. The last time I had the test was in 2019.
Fast forward to today. I stepped into the all-too-familiar office, signed in, and waited. I was a few minutes early, but I was hopeful they’d call my name quickly. They didn’t. The longer I sat in the waiting room, the greater the angst. I fought back tears stemming from thinking about what my mother had gone through decades before. I knew what to expect with the procedure but was unprepared for the onslaught of emotions.
Finally, it was my turn. I quickly followed the nurse into the office, followed her instructions for preparation, and as soon as I stood next to the hefty machine, hot tears gently rolled down my face. She asked me if I was okay. No, I wasn’t, but I needed to do this. Stay still, she implored and asked again if I was okay. I repeated my answer. Sometime later, the test was complete.
She repeated her question of how I was. I said, “I didn’t expect to have these emotions and I’m not okay, but it is done.” She wished me well and whisked me off to another nurse who was ready for my next procedure.
It was also a familiar test, but it proved to be physically painful. I was still recovering from the emotional pain from the first test. I told the technician I was crying across the hall, and this time, I was wincing in pain. But again, both were needed.
How I longed to have been sedated, unable to feel anything connected to the tests. But that wasn’t the case. I felt it all, and it hurt. A lot. I cried. A lot. But I had to go through it. It’s over now and I am relieved.
Wouldn’t you love to be sedated through some of the trials God assigns to us? But we can’t be. We will know the difficulties/obstacles/scenery in which the Lord walks with us. We will be able to describe in intricate detail the emotions, prayers, and spiritual battles we experienced while going through the tests. Yes, it’s part of your journey and while the process isn’t easy, it is necessary.
The Lord dropped a portion of the following song in my heart while in the waiting room: Peace, Peace, wonderful peace coming down from the Father above, sweep over my spirit forever I pray. I kept repeating it to myself while I cried during the procedure. It didn’t prevent the tears, but, the words helped me get through the test.
No, we don’t get the beauty of being sedated through life’s tests, but we are reminded during our pain that He is there to comfort and walk with us. I’m also grateful for Him placing people in my life who whisper prayers on my behalf.
Sedation? No. We will feel many nooks and crannies of hard times, but I’m so glad we’re not alone and that tests do end. It may take longer than we like and be more painful than we ever thought possible. We may try to skip the tests entirely, but like it or not, we will experience life without sedation, but not without the Lord walking with us.
As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem. Isaiah 66:13 (KJV)
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13 (KJV)
In the Master’s Service,
Author/Pastor Michele D Robertson
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29 (KJV)